Sunday, December 18, 2016

E.M.O

there's so much going on with my life and i don't know which problem should i deal with first. it feels like i forgot how to prioritize things or maybe it's because i actually never know how to prioritize in the first place. i'm the type of person who gets frustrated very easily and my frustration is getting out of hand each day. everything just make me so emotional these days. and i mean it. EVERYTHING. my tears will literally starts to be filled up around my eyes when something triggers it.

even for the most simplest thing like two days ago when i called my mother to ask for permission on whether if i can go to watch movies or not and she replied in a somewhat angry tone which i'm not really afraid anymore  ACTUALLY but i don't why but that day my voice started to be all shaky and tears was about to fall like Niagara falls, after i ended my call with my mother i started crying for a good three minutes. I felt like there's so much things piled up in my heart and  that moment i've let it all out.

but i'm pretty sure i didn't let it ALL out because my heart still feels heavy at this moment. like how can a person actually let it all out when they cry?? i can't seem to move on with my problems and yeah i know that's a bad thing. that's a toxic behavior. it's like poisoning myself for no particular reason at all.

to be really honest, i feel extra crappy this week and even when i tried to do more things each day so i don't think too much..  all those negative thoughts don't leave me alone. and i started to lie to my own feelings. i tried to be happy and put on a smile each day and just be like everyone else that i see in my daily life. i'm sure everyone is fighting for something in their life and everyone has problems. and i'm sure there are people who's faking their smile just like me. i feel my lips is shaped into a smile but my heart is as heavy as a rock. even when i have a smile on, i feel so soulless. even when i laugh at jokes, it's not because i find them funny but i just feel the need to laugh it off because everyone else around me are laughing.

socializing has become very hard for me to do these days. i don't know how to say it. but i just it's hard. i'm starting to forget how to reply people's messages. like i don't know how to give reactions to what they sent to me. IT'S HARD. this part is seriously triggering my tears to fall. i feel like there's so much "i don't know" in this post. i feel like i don't recognize myself anymore. my body, mind and soul are like stranger to me now. even when i'm typing this post, i'm not sure which part of me is actually letting this all out. is it my brain or is it my heart? I DON'T KNOW!

by the way, i felt like i've been sighing very often these few days and even more when i'm typing this post. apart from that, i feel my heart is very heavy now. i feel like my heart is sinking deeper each day. am i going to be a heartless and soulless person? why is this happening to me? why??


they say "time will heals everything", but is that true? for me it means to forget about the past and have faith in God for whatever that'll be happening in the future. to be more direct, it means TO FORGET THE PAST. because if you don't, how are you going to heal everything? it's not going to be healed if you're letting it go.

i'm going to stop here tonight.

but it will be even better if i don't continue this post anymore.

i hate seeing myself sad and emo like this.

one post is enough for me to vent everything.

hmmmm...

With love,
Octavia
(an unhappy girl atm)




Wednesday, August 17, 2016

STUDYING OVERSEAS

Seven months later, I'm finally back for a new post.

  Today I want to write about studying overseas. It's not about tips or tricks or ways for you to be easily accepted when you apply for overseas universities. But I want to talk about my dream to study overseas. The lucky country that I want to go is Korea. Why? Well that's easy. Because I'm too fanatic of the kdrama, kpop and their culture. AND I think it's time for me to be independent and go out of my comfort zones. ANDDDD because I want to marry a Korean Guy! Hah.

  There is one particular Korean University that I have keep an eye on and I'm doing my best to apply for it. Probably next year I will start my freshman year there. I will not tell you the name of the university yet because I dont want to have high hopes for it or else I'll be super disappointed later on if I don't get accepted. But let me give you a clue, the university is located in Pohang.

  I'm in the midst of researching about how to study in Korea and emailing the admissions and ambassadors of the university that I want to attend to. I'm also thinking to start searching for youtube videos regarding the things I want to more know about studying in Korea and basically studying overseas in any other country.

One thing I must say about studying overseas is, IT'S NOT EASY!

and I think it's not even easy to get into an university in my own country. So, here's a little teeny weeny advice for anyone who wants to study overseas. " DON'T BE LAZY! " and that's a reminder for myself too since I tend to be not motivated most of time. Hence, I don't update my blog regularly.
Is there anyone willing to be my motivator for free? All you need to do is motivate motivate and motivate me until I stand up and go do something productive. Easy aye. Haha.

  Well I don't want you to finish reading this post without gaining some information about studying in Korea. So here I present you a website that I'm using to gain more knowledge about studying in Korea. CLICK HERE~^^ Hope it helps! Mind you, I'm trying to be a little helpful here.

  If you have any info about studying in Korea, feel free to leave a comment down below or email me at bbvia98@gmail.com.
 
Hope we will be able to get into our DREAM UNIVERSITY!
 
 
CHEER UP!!!!!!!


Yours sincerely,
Octavia
(the girl who working her butt-off to study in Korea) XD

 

Saturday, January 23, 2016

My notsousual Sunday

Helo helooo

Guess what a new update today!

Today is sunday yupp yupp and like usual my family and I will have a trip to the church. My mom woke us up super early la about 7am liddat and I thought we were going to the first service today. (First service is on 8-10am while second service is from 10-12pm). Btw my mom was soo noisy shouting and waking us up and that made me woke up from my sugarryy dream (not sure if I had one but yeahh technically I had.. Just assume that I had a dream okie, I NEED ATLEAST A DOSE OF MY PRINCE CHARMING EVERY SINGLE NIGHT YOU KNOWW Bahahahahaha) 

After taking my bath I quickly changed to my usual church outfit (jeans n tshirt). Tbh, I still dont get the hang of teenager nowadays wear those croptops cardigan flannel supershortshorts n whatever. I just not born with it. I guess. Welllll as long as I have clothes on, I am good to go. Dont judge. Like I said, I'm not born with it. 

Anyway quick story, I was really shocked (not the kind of extreme shock la but still got that moment where I take a deep breath) after watching girls younger than me wear something that is too old for them. 
Not that "aunty old" ah but "mature old" if u know what I mean. Pfft. It was last year I guess. To be more specific, on Christmas Day. I went to church that day(my family and I always go to the church on Chrismast, we never had missed a year yet.. It's like a family tradition #selfpraise) ANYWAYYY like seriously soo many girls *worn see through-super short and skin tight dresses. Then I thought they were older than me la. It turned out to be they were younger than me. Although I'm pretty sure my face totally looked older than them. But FASHION WISE OK. THEY WERE MUCH OLDER THAN ME. Please take time to imagine this, me a 17 yrs old girl wearing tshirt n jeans (again) and then lets call them my little sisters maybe 13-15 yrs old girl wearing those "mature dresses". BTW I'm not jealous okayy. (Just to clarify) I just feel so small and insecure hahahahahahaha. 
Ok enough of that, I dont want this to be any longer. If not, maybe there will be a volcano eruption. Bahahahahahahaha. 

Super agree with this. Anyone with me? Or maybe just mee TT. (Cant find the english version for this soo yeah enjoy the malay version.)

Ok back to my Sunday story. 

Despite the fact that we prepared quite early today, my father aka my family's big big biggg boss decided that we should go to the sekond service and not the pirst service which made me annoyed. Well who doesnt. Not that I dont like gling to church. It just that I feel I need to have extra sleep today. Like 4 hours more than the usual. (Fun fact: my weekdays alarm *snooze before 5am and that is pure torture) pfft.. Plus yesterday idk whyy I woke up super early and super fresh without the alarm. It was like freaking 5am. Who on earth wakes up that early? (No offense to early risers ok).

Sooo where was I? 

Ok.. But thanks to my dad, I get to enjoy some morning korean entertainment shows which I dont always get to see every Sunday. The show turned out to be soo fun to watch TT WORST PART IS----- it only shows on SUNDAY. urghh. But then again I forgot whats the show name. How can I search it on youtube ah. Aigoo Silly me. Hopefully there will be a rerun on weekdays la. I NEED TO FIND U! 

This is exactly what I am feeling right now. TT (tears flowing down in slow moo) 
+ playing BTS-I NEED U as a background song #typicalkpopfans 


ANDDDD 
Random jimin derp photo appear ( ´ ▽ ` )οΎ‰

Tbh this is like the longest entry I have written so far. I'm soo proud of myself. U go gurllll! Bahahahahahahahaha, feeling soo soo soo soo soo unrealistic r8now. Well dear fingers, how come you are not tired ahh after writing soo long. 

"BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU MAMA" my fingers replying which lets just assume them as a classroom of preschool children answering their homeroom teacher on their first day of school. 

Aww my bby fingers soo guai ah, keep tapping tapping on the keyboard without any complaint oh. I'm a proud mama. PROUD MAMAAAAA.. 

Around 9:30am liddat we "took off" from our house and arrived at our church twenty minutes later. Suprisingly we set a new time record today. Usually we arrived  fifteen minutes later after the service started but today we arrived even before the first service end. So we went for a quick breakfast at a nearby chinese restaurant. Seriously the served the best breakfast meal. Too bad I forgot to take pictures. Aww. After that, everything goes the same as our usual Sunday. So i think theres no need to blog it. 

And with that, I will stop my blog here.

TATA TILL MY NEXT UPDATE! 








Thursday, January 21, 2016

CRUSHINGGGGG

Hellooo 

Today is friday and yeahhh tgif.. Awal kami balik sch ni ari soo memang la gembiraaaa.. Awal 4jam setengah k, siapa x gembira mmg xtau la dia tu orang ka apa πŸ˜’

Well hari ni sesuatu yg bikin sya punya hati berbunga-bunga matahari telah berlaku. Wuuuu the feeewwll is still here. Omoooo hahahaha. Memang tadi kalau sya x kontrol memangg.. aramakk sampai xtau apa sebenarnya sya mau ckp ni. Begini la sya kasi pendek cerita, tadi masa sya tunggu geng2 karas sya di pondok sikul..my crush ada bercerita dgn sya. Well bukanlah bercerita tpi ehh kira begitu jugalah. Apa yg sya tau, klu bercakap 1 2 patah pun kira bercakap suda tuu soo yeehh.. Kami bercerita. 

Time tu sya sdg duduk la, of courseee duduk sebab sya ni pantang nampak tempat duduk pastu x duduk. Apala guna tu tempat duduk kalau xda org mau duduk ohh.. Soo kamuu kamuu kamuuu klu nmpk ada kekosongan di mana2 tempat duduk yang kamu nampak, ringankan lah pantat mu untuk duduk yerrr hehehe. Make use of whats free. 
Remember that. Hoho~ 

First2 tu cuma sya n kawan sekelas sya saja yg ada di situ pondok. Well girls classmates of course. Kami yg first sbb kelas kami kena kasi lepas awal. Big thanks to our sporting teacher, maklumlah ari lima semua pun x sabar mau pulang. Entahlah apa yg dibuat di rumah tuuu.. Hahahaha.. Ckp orang tau2 sya sendiri pun mcm begitu. X lama lepas kami duduk2 situ, kelas lain pun kena kasi balik then thats when the story begins muahahahaha. 

Dia pun sdg tunggu geng2 karas dia time tu, jadi dorg tunggulah di pondok kami. Woot. Dlm hati mmg sya berteriak sudah tu tapi I kept my cool. Well crushh baitu. Hahahahahaha. "Sebenarnya ada dua pondok tapi maybe pondok kami dekat dgn kelas jadi dorg tunggu situlah." "Cutee nya diaa" "my crushhh" "Thank you Lord for today"  Ok inilah pikiran sya tym dorg di situ. Apa yg sya tulis ni itulah apa yg sya fikir tadi. What a complicated girl I am. Wuu hahahaha. Even mungkin tadi dia bukan tengok sya but butt butt my instict said HE WAS LOOKING AT ME LIKE SERIOUSLYYY.. Hahahahaha 


Sya pun berharap supaya geng2 karas sya cepat sampai supaya u knoww supaya x malu berh. Ramai lelaki situ and I feel soo insecure and whatnot. And thank God my friend arrived x lama lepas tu. My friend taru dia punya water bottle dekat pantat sya.. Xlah dekat sangat tapi berdekatan la. Pastu mcm dia jalan sekejap and sya lupa apa dia mau buat tuu.. And my girl classmate yg baru balik dari tandas minta kertas fullscape sbb mau lapis dia punya M. I gave her like seikhlas ikhlasnya. Cause I'm a good girl like that laa haha.. Praise me pls πŸ˜‚
Then time sya mau kasi bagi dia tu kertas, sya ter kasi jatuh my geng karas ounya water bottle. Well actually little damage saja but I know my geng karas was sad about that and truthfully saya rasa bersalah k. But thanks to that we talked. Huhuhu yeahh. We talked.

Our conversation goes like this. 

Crush : bahh kau kasi jatuh tu botol. 
Me : x apa baitu. Xda rosak juga. 
My girl classmate : thank you bia.(cause i gave her the fullscape paper)
Me: welcome.. Ehh aramakk ada pecah ohh.
Crush: nahh.. Xapa bah nnti sya beli baru. 
Me: hahaha
Crush: kau rindu english ka? Ni tahun kita x belajar tu kan. 
Me: x juga la.
Crush: tpi yg paling bikin panas itu sejarah. Ingatkan x sudah tau kena tukar istilah seja.
Me: iya kan.. Peng mal
Crush: ya
Me: tapi tahun depan kita ada eng juga tu balik
Crush: ohh

Okayy so after this i forgot whats the conver.. But i think we stopped. But i remembered kami ada ckp bye for each other la. Actually sya bye my girl classmate but dia pun ckp bye sama sya sooo 😌😌

Pastu, my geng karas n I pun beredar sbb mau p attend our pps meeting n dia n geng karas dia pun balik sbb mau solat jumaat. Kenenlahh sya x tau. Hahahaha. 

Well thats it... Cerita panjang2.. Tau2 mainpoint dia itu syakk hahahaha. Well memory kan bukan selalu ada begini. 
Anyway thanks God for this sweet moment today. Thanks too for EVERYTHING. Amen. 

Hihi. Thanks for reading!